Charlotte Hornet rookie wing P.J. Hairston is a Tar Heel. I’m a Tar Heel. As such, calling him out for his recent stupidity isn’t exactly fun for me. But, he sure has made it easy.
Since he was drafted in late June, the 24th overall pick has been quite busy doing everything he can to remain in the news for all the wrong reasons. First, there was a fist fight during a pick-up basketball game at a YMCA in Durham. PJ was charged with a couple of misdemeanors for punching a high school student. Next, word got out that Hairston’s agent is not certified and has essentially been running an illegal sports representation company. But the most recent event takes the cake – the “car swap.”
As described by Rick Bonnell of the Charlotte Observer:
Charlotte Hornets rookie P.J. Hairston said he met Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon at a Chapel Hill grocery store, which eventually led to Gordon driving Hairston’s Cadillac when he was arrested on a DWI charge in Raleigh.
According to Hairston, he switched cars with Gordon sometime Friday night, taking Gordon’s Mercedes. Gordon was arrested early Saturday morning.
“Me and Josh Gordon met at the Fresh Market in Chapel Hill,” Hairston said Thursday after a Hornets summer-league practice. “I walked there, I was trying to take care of my body, trying to get fruit, and happened to run into him in there. I am a football fan so I knew who he was. Right away, we started talking about football, basketball and we walked outside. He saw my car and asked me ‘What are you doing?’ He asked if I minded if we switched cars and we exchanged numbers and he was going to drive my car that night and bring it back to me.
“I said OK, and we switched cars. The rest of that is history.”
Umm…. what? So let’s get this straight. Hairston walks out of his hotel and into the Fresh Market where he happens upon the 2013 NFL league leader in receiving yards. They strike up a conversation, fill a cornucopia with fruit to take care of their bodies, walk outside and make a flash decision to trade cars that have a combined value of roughly $150,000.
Is this a thing? I hesitate to trade sunglasses with a close friend for a few hours while hanging out at the pool. They traded CARS? What could possibly go wrong? I’ll tell you. Gordon decided to fill his body with booze and joyride around in the car that wasn’t his, only to get caught, arrested for DWI, and bailed out by none other than Hayden “Fats” Thomas, the very man at the center of Hairston’s exit from UNC. I know this is old news, but you just can’t make up this kind of ridiculousness.
Well, maybe he can.
What is it about this guy, cars, and trouble. Late night checkpoints in Durham and multiple speeding tickets weren’t enough. He had to resort to shady dealings in grocery store parking lots. Somebody buy him a bike, a skateboard, a razor scooter…anything to keep him from pulling the trigger one too many times in his favorite game of automobile roulette.
How do you think the morning after went? I imagine P.J. wandering outside of his hotel still reeling from his Friday night fruit binge, kiwi and peach residue smeared across his shirt, thinking to himself…
Unfortunately, this wasn’t a dream. If unconventional swaps are such a hobby of P.J.’s, maybe he and I can talk about a trade of – oh I don’t know – Talent? Athleticism? Potential? If I throw in a few strawberries, we just might strike a deal. Because come on, we all know this is all about fruit.
I know Michael Jordan was bound to give his troubled rookie a break or two since he’s from UNC, but I wonder what’s going through His Airness’ head these days. He should be devising a plan to keep P.J. as far away from the Triangle as possible, because there is nothing left for him there except the opportunity to regress into his old habits and bump into his old dangerous friends.
Of course, MJ could always hire Wayne Knight to trail Hairston and track his every move, stealing a script from his own experience in the ’96 classic, Space Jam.
But, seriously, the guy needs some kind of leash.
I know I’m being hard on the kid, but nobody could argue that it isn’t well deserved. I do believe he’s going to pull himself together and have a productive career. In his defense, the Hornets are currently about halfway through their summer league schedule in Las Vegas, and so far no news has meant good news on the P.J. Hairston wire. If he can make it through a portion of his summer in Sin City unscathed, I think the Hornets brass can breath a collective sigh of relief and take it as a small win in this entertainingly troubling saga for the young sharp-shooter.
All that being said, after the recent signing of Lane Stephenson, P.J. is no longer the most volatile man on the roster.
Maybe these two can switch cars for the weekend as a way of breaking the ice. All joking aside, the fruit basket is in the trunk.
SANDWICH READING 